What's Holding You Captive?

God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though it's waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.

Psalm 46:1-3

I have struggled these last 10 days to find the words to say. I knew what God was placing on my heart but I just couldn't quite get it out. I now understand why. What I write to you is always from personal experience and let me say that it is not always fun to go through certain moments in life but if we never went through then how would we help the next person in line.

In a season of love, family, thankfulness and most importantly, the birth of Jesus, my heart weighs heavy at times. Not for me but for those I know and do not know. I look around and see hurt and pain in the eyes of individuals. There spirits are downcast. The hearts ache. They can not find joy no matter how hard they search for it. Have you ever known someone who just always looked miserable? You always smile at them, and nothing. You try to love on them, and they refuse to budge. You don't know what else to do except to pray for them. We hand our prayers over to God and hope he can accomplish what we could not. And he can! But there's still that question in the back of our minds (or at least mine)...What is holding them captive? What caused them so much pain? Where has their joy gone? What was stripped from their heart that has left them feeling empty in this life they now call their prison?

A prisoner lives restricted and under the rules or conditions of the facility in which they dwell. They become so conditioned to a routine and many believe this is the reason why they struggle to live a normal life if and when they have the opportunity to be released from the confines of that place they have been for so long. I read a scripture this morning in Romans 7:21 that said "I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me." The bottom line is that we are human. Our human nature wants to do the very things that we think or desire will bring us joy, so we compromise our relationship with God our father and we ignore His word and guidance. We don't realize it until its too late and we are taken captive by the desires of our inner flesh. And all along God was waiting for us to call on Him for help.

One of the things I like to do in the evening after the girls are in bed and life has calmed down from the rush of the daily routine is grab a hot cup of tea and read the local news for that day. It's just habit for me. I'm not sure yet if it's a good or bad habit but I feel the need to do it. So I sit there and read story after story and often wonder if I know or have seen the person in the news reports. I read of children being hurt and I can't help but to pray and hope that they are ok. I read of people being in a hit and run and I quickly search for a name hoping it's not someone I know. I am relieved that it is not but here comes the burden in my heart to pray for them. I then see a report of an accident that is not far from me that has taken the life or lives of those in the vehicle. My heart drops and again I pray. Then I come across story after story of robberies, theft, hold ups, and stolen ATMs. Most recently was a story of a young lady who was stealing from her place of employment by loading money on non-purchased gift cards when customers and other employees were not around. The sad part about the story was that she only did it because her family was struggling. What drives a person to become so consumed by their lack that they never take the time to realize their gain?

We stress over the things we do not have and we forget that we are blessed in so many other ways. In this season, when we should be celebrating life and family, we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of what to buy and who to shop for. We stress over finances and spend what we don't have. We create debt, which leads to stress, stress causes our bodies to breakdown both inside and out, and worst of all...we lose our joy. Nehemiah 8:10 says, "The joy of The Lord is your strength."

We  moved about 2 years ago across country. We left everything behind with the exception of our kitchen stuff, dining table and chairs, and our beds. We only brought a handful of clothes and shoes. No comfy couches to sit on, no TV to watch, and a truck on its last leg. But the material things didn't matter. We had each other and because of our sacrifice, so many other families that we knew in our old state were blessed with things they needed. It took about 4 months before we had a couch to sit on and we thanked God for blessing us with the means to finally get it but the empty space before the couch is what I treasured. I could watch my daughters dance and play for hours across the empty room. You see, sometimes God will allow us to go through certain situations in order to show us what is most important in life. We had each other and that was all that mattered. The couch came and yes we sit on it but from time to time I just can't help myself. I still stretch out across the floor and thank God for that moment in time that He allowed me to see the true blessing. It was not the things but the time with my family.

We may not realize it but we allow so many things to hold us captive. We struggle with our finances, we struggle with our children, our relationships are falling apart, and we can't seem to find a way out. Is our life really over? Did you take that wonderful breath of fresh air (ok...it may not always be fresh...lol) but did you breathe new life today? We allow these things to shackle us and we walk around bound by chains that we allowed these things to bind us with. I can share story after story of personal struggles that my family and I have had to endure, but one thing remains, our love for each other. Ask God to removed the chains from your life and restore Joy to you...His Joy! I don't ever see my struggles as a curse but more of a blessing. I made it through didn't I? So why can't you? I am blessed to still be here and honored to be able to share my testimonies to give hope to all who read these posts.

The prisoner at the beginning of this message...well he is you and I. The difference in the story is that we do not conform to the routine of confinement but we experience true freedom through Jesus Christ. When we give our lives to Christ and we choose to trust and have faith that He will see us through, that is when we have true Joy and Hope. You have been in your chains long enough. Drop them and allow God to restore your Joy and Peace. You will make it through! Be blessed!

The Heart of Christmas

The Heart of Christmas

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ASJktrBObrI

Have you ever had a moment where  you had so much on your mind you just couldn't seem to get the words out for fear that there would be too much to share and the excitement would turn to rambling and then no one would listen? Wow! That was a long first sentence! Hopefully the rambling won't kick in too badly and I will be able to share what's on my heart in an orderly manner ;) lol

All kidding aside though for a moment. I really struggled finding the words to share with you this time around. I would start to set time aside to write and then change my mind because I just wasn't ready yet. This went on for the past 5 days and even though I still feel like there is so much more to share I will share what I can and continue on in the coming days as the Lord places it on my heart.

First of all, please take the time to visit the Youtube link I have posted at the top of this blog. This song truly blessed my heart when I heard it last night for the first time. You may have heard or seen the movie it was the inspiration for, but for me, I came across it, I believe not by accident when listening to Matthew Wests Christmas album. God summed up my heart in one song. In the last couple of posts I shared about thanksgiving and gratefulness, but what often happens between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Our moment of thankfulness is gone and we dive head first into a sea of emotions.

Probably for about the first 10 years of our marriage, Chris and I would get so excited about Christmas. We would decorate, bake, and attend holiday friend and family parties. The church was always doing elaborate celebrations, and of course halfway through those 10 years with the birth of our daughters, Christmas was even more exciting. We wanted to do all we could for our little blessings, and we did! But one thing remained, Chris and I always made it about the children and when it came to shopping for gifts, we did all we could for the girls and everyone else would do without. Did we want to bless our family? Of course we did! Did we wish we could do so much more for everyone else? Absolutely! But the truth of the matter was, we just couldn't. As much as we wanted to, we just couldn't. As we found ourselves stuck in this position year after year, we hoped for change, we prayed for increase, we wanted the ability to do more. Frustration, sadness and an overwhelming guilt always surrounded me. I was frustrated at always having just enough and never MORE than enough. I was saddened that we were not in a position to bless others the way our hearts desired to. And most of all, a guilt hovered over me when we would receive gifts in the mail from family and we had not sent a single package out. Why was this so torturous? Why was the stress so overwhelming and over-powering that the joy I was supposed to have at Christmas was sucked out of me so quickly that I had to pretend to be happy. Oh I was truly grateful for the gifts but why did they have to even send them? I didn't ask for anything! I hadn't even made a Christmas wish list! Then my feelings would turn to anger because now it was more of "how dare they make me feel bad!" This only lasted a moment because everything would eventually break down and I would then be left in silent tears because there was nothing I could do about it. What was I going to do? Get angry at someone just because they decided and WANTED to bless me?

I remember being invited to a Christmas/Birthday celebration with the ladies of our church at the time and at this event each of us was there to honor a particular leader in our church who had been a part of our lives for several years. I was very nervous because a gift was expected and for one we did not have much, secondly most of the other women knew her interests and likes more than I did. I struggled for  days trying to figure out the perfect gift. I was very close to just giving up and not attending at all when God spoke clearly to my heart and said to give a gift from the heart. I immediately sat down and began to write the words of my heart on parchment paper. When I was done sharing my gratitude and appreciation for this person, I took the paper and burned the edges, rolled it up and tied it with a ribbon. There were 3 gifts in the bag to represent the words I had written. A journal to represent the words of encouragement that she would one day write for other women, teabags to represent the relationship established over gatherings, and the last gift was a shawl to represent the covering that she had been to all of us. The time came for the party and the moment of gift giving. As she opened each gift one by one, I began to doubt the simple contents of my bag. Expensive gifts, one right after another came, and I began to feel extremely nervous. I wanted to duck out when no one was looking but the time came for me to present my gift. With a humble heart but also a feeling of downcast spirit I stood and pulled the scroll from the bag and began to read. With each part I read I pulled the gift from the bag and presented it to represent the words. As I read, tears began to roll down my cheek and I could feel God removing the shame from heart. I lifted my head and gave her a hug and returned to my seat. You see, I learned a lesson that night. There was nothing wrong with anyone else's gift, but there was nothing wrong with mine either. I gave from my heart and that was all that mattered.

In this season of Christmas, we see a lot of selfishness, envy, anger, and frustration, but the hardest part is that I see mostly, hurt, sadness, loneliness, and heartache. We have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. We temporarily forget about the one who can replace our heartache with joy, the one who can bandage up our wounds and bring true healing. He is the one who can bring peace in the midst of chaos. Jesus Christ is the true reason for this season and all year long for the rest of our life. We have to allow Him to take the stress and doubt from our lives and replace it with His love.

I want to go back to this song I posted at the top of the page. The Story behind the song broke my heart but the love throughout the song gave so much hope. The family lost this precious gift but God filled their hearts with love, faith and hope to press on and live every moment to the fullest. The title was so perfect because what God showed me is that it's God's love that is the Heart of Christmas. Gods love to others, through others, and with others is the heart of Christmas. The most important part of Christmas is not the gifts or the parties, but the love we show to those around us and most importantly taking the time to show those you love how much you truly do love them.

We take for granted the fact that they should already know we love them, so we don't say it enough. Those simple words from the heart just might be what is needed to pull that special loved one from what ever pit they may have found themselves in. I was once in a pit, almost no life left and it was Gods love through those around me that pulled me up and out and gave me hope again. You see, I don't ask for much, actually I don't ask for anything anymore. I wake up each morning and the question I hear over and over is, "If I never gave another thing to you, would you still love me?" And my answer every time is, "Yes Lord, I would." I say these simple words to my husband every chance I get, at least once a day, "I love you and you are my gift." He is my gift. I asked God for him and He blessed me with the greatest husband and best friend. My daughters are my gift. We asked specifically for twins and that is what He blessed us with and they are the most wonderful gift. I am grateful for life, my family who loves me unconditionally, and most of all, my Heavenly Father who has never has let me down. I have no need for anything else when God has already given such wonderful gifts and the greatest gift of all, His son Jesus.

So in this Christmas season I want to start by saying...

To all my family and loved ones - I love you, I thank God for you and there may be distance between us in miles, but you are closer than ever in my heart. YOU ARE MY GIFT!

To all of my closest friends - You know who you are, and if you have doubts then maybe we should talk...lol. I love you and you are special to me. God has placed us in each other's lives for a reason and a season. Some seasons may last longer than others but each is just as important as the other. Thank you for your friendship. YOU ARE MY GIFT!

To everyone else who I may not know but you received this because someone cared enough about you to share these words, just know that you are loved by God and those around you even if they may not stay it as often. You are loved!

Tell those you love how much you love them and don't forget the Heart of Christmas is Gods Love!

Be Blessed!